


tired (little by little)

by LadyAllana



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Idol Life I Mean, M/M, Slice of Life, The author will eventually complete Heechul drinks with members series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:49:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28817346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAllana/pseuds/LadyAllana
Summary: They go to the second round by themselves.or a brief interlude to how stressful the anniversary comeback preparations have been so far, set after the final episode of School Top 10.
Relationships: Hirai Momo/Kim Heechul, Kim Jongwoon | Yesung/Lee Hyukjae | Eunhyuk
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	tired (little by little)

**Author's Note:**

> These days I'm seeing various debates online about how ethical is it to write real life fan fiction, is it a crime etc. Actually it made me quite uneasy, I don't think that what I'm doing here is hurting real people, I don't think what I'm writing is what I perceive to be the reality. What I write, or what we write, is a product of our imagination based on people we see on our screens, be it fictional characters or idols. There are authors and I guess idols who state that they are uncomfortable and I wouldn't continue writing on them or their work (for example Anne Rice doesn't want any fanfiction on her characters published), Heechul is ok with fan fiction he has said it before, I'm not sure about the other members, I'm not sure if I should feel guilty or uncomfortable writing...
> 
> So I was struggling with all these thoughts and I saw someone ask on twitter if they knew any Mochul stories, I also had a paper to write so... this happened. Suju stories are a way for me to sort out my own emotions more than anything and I'm not ready to give them up yet.

They go to the second round by themselves.

No one really blinks an eye, nor should they since they already spent the dinner talking about album problems, photo shoot problems and music video problems, Heechul raising his voice and cursing at the label while Hyukjae stepped on his feet just to shut him up. It’s really not every day Heechul raises his voice or his problems out in the public, especially those concerning group schedules because he can’t join many these last couple of years.

But this time it is understandable, each and every one of them have been so tense these last couple of weeks, so extremely busy but anxious with uncertainty at the same time. It’s funny actually, because it’s true that they have been at each others throats because of it. Teuk hyung is losing so much weight from the stress that they can see him melt away to bone if they are in the same room long enough, Ryeowook has been timid, Hyukjae thinks he feels betrayed more than anything but is too pure to say so. Donghee hyung is dealing with gaining some weight back, unavoidably, no matter how much they sweat trying to catch up with so many different schedules. Yesung hyung…they haven’t really looked each other in the eye all of last week.

Both Donghae and Kyuhyun nagged at him to open up about it but honestly he was so tired and hyung was so tired that he can’t remember why the argument started or who shouted first or who left the room crying. It’s petty and childish but he has been too tired to actually face Jongwoon all week, even when their schedules collided, because talking means energy, it means emotions and fighting and breaking up…

A silly little worm to eat away his brain for the 15th year to be sure, but they are all a bit past the point of sanity now.

Their kakao rooms remain silent besides official notifications of meetings and schedules, even Teuk hyung not bothering to write about every little thing, and so does their private chat, except the photos of the moon they send each other every night.

It’s more of a sign of understanding rather than an apology.

It means, _Are you dead tired?_ _I’m tired too._

So yeah, he has been tired and miserable and lonely and scared and angry, and may be too harsh in his actions towards someone older than him  in public , a group member nonetheless.  They can’t really expect people around them to know their dynamics, but they are too tired to control their emotions. Hyukjae would like to think that it’s a sign of how comfortable they feel around each other but it probably looked just the opposite to those who had to eat with them tonight. 

When they apologize and take their leave, the cast and crew members watch them leave with various looks of concern, no doubt thinking that they are about to have a huge fight.

They have had a couple of huge fights over the years, these days it takes more than two members for them to actually draw blood. Besides, fighting is exhausting, it’s why they have been avoiding each other in the first place besides their schedules.

They go outside, take a couple of breaths in the fresh night air. Heechul hyung puts an arm around Hyukjae’s warm shoulder.

They really should go home and sleep until they are dragged off to their next schedules.

“Let’s just go and have fun!”

*

They message the other members out of politeness, or a deep desire to share in their misery because no matter how much they commiserate on it, it makes no sense that the album schedule is not set yet. Time and place, sent by Heechul hyung, not even a mention of Hyukjae’s name, though they would all know. Predictably no one answers.

Jongwoon hyung shows up before they do.

Hyukjae fights the urge to hide behind Heechul just so that they don’t have to look each other in the eye _._ _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

He really has no energy to fight...or more. The though feels like a bitter pill he can’t swallow down. Heechul hyung ushers them in without hellos, making the two of them go first down the narrow corridor.

*

It’s a discrete sort of bar, or at least it claims to be, selling cheap stuff at high cost to keep up with a normalcy that is rarely allowed to people in show business. It is owned by some actor hyung is close with but Hyukjae just can’t name at the moment.

Ten minutes in to a tense silence, Hyeechul hyung looks up from the phone guiltily,

“She is quite close by, would you guys really mind?”

“No, hyung you should go,” says Jongwoon hyung, he is seated on Heechul hyungs side, dyed hair covered by a beanie and still wearing colored lenses. They are a frozen, matte sort of blue that make him feel cold inside. “You never know when you will find the time, we understand.”

Hyukjae shifts on his seat, hands tight around the soju bottle, as he first pours it in Yesung’s glass, then, deliberately, for Heechul.

Hyung looks at him, silent as a cat, searching. Then slowly settles back down to his seat.

“Ah, she said she will come by, already told me to order a burger because she hasn’t had a single meal all day. Actually, excuse me can I get a menu please?”

*

Momo comes almost half an hour later, the hamburger and fries come in twenty so by the time she has arrived hyungs are already half way into the fries. Hyukjae takes his eyes away from Jongwoon hyungs oily fingers, which have been tentatively reaching for the fries for the last song, to welcome her and apologize for the half eaten plate. She looks at the table silently, then shrugs with a soft, comfortable smile on her face.

Jongwoon hyungs gets up to give his seat to her after wiping his hands, touching her arm softly as she gets out of her coat and hat. He comes to sit down next to Hyukjae in his booth, so he sticks himself close to the wall as they exchange greetings.

Momo looks as tired as they feel, but probably not as they look as she is the only one barefaced among them. She is also wearing leggings, in contrast to Heechul’s suit, and brings her legs up and close as she snuggles next to the hyung and reaches for his beer as he calls for another plate of fries.

“I’m sorry to barge in-” she says as she gets a bite of her hamburger. Her eyes are soft as she looks at them, Hyukjae knows that hyung texted her under the table and asked her to come here so Hyukjae can sneak out first when it’s time to leave. She has been around a while now, so he thinks she will understand, hardly a quality they come across in the industry to be honest, but being indebted to her doesn’t feel as comfortable as being to Heechul hyung, who seems to know most of the hidden inner dynamics of the group no matter how much time he spends apart from them.

“So, do you have a date yet?”, Momo asks between bites. Hyuıng looks at her fondly but sits up a bit straighter, no doubt the previous unease settling back into his bones.

“Nope, this virus is making a mess of things as usual,” answers Jongwoon hyung instead of him. She hums, quiet, goes for the soju bottle next to him, reaching all the way across the table. Hyukjae looks at her, thinks, if only it could be this easy.

She pours them an another shot before adding some to her beer, which hyung takes from her playfully as she settles back down.

Of course logically, he knows that it is. He also knows that none of it can be easy with the lives they are leading but at least they seem to have settled on a normalcy that is publicly acceptable no matter how much hate hyung still seems to get. Kim Heechul is Kim Heechul, so he says it hardly matters to him but it’s a silent understandings for all idols old and new that you can never be truly content in love. If the looks don’t get to you then the packed schedules and the stress eventually will.

Sensing that they are troubled, she starts telling them about her day instead between the bites. The conversation shifts to a dance routine she is trying to correct and how her idea of correct doesn’t match with her instructors, Hyukjae senses that she is shifting the conversation to something he would be more comfortable discussing and allows her, as hyungs keep pouring drinks and talking over their shoulders about something else he doesn’t dare to follow.

It’s easy to talk with another dancer, not in the sense that it is easier to say talk to Donghee hyung who is in the same group, and of same age, gender and experience in the industry, even of same nationality even but theirs have never been a profession that needs the correct translation of words when you can always translate meanings into movements. He finds himself getting more comfortable, warmer with alcohol in his blood, reaches towards Jongwoon hyung to show her a move that could possibly suit the transition she was looking for with her instructor.

Yesung lets him take his arm without breaking conversation, lets him position him for a mock free fall no matter how awkward it looks sitting squished in a booth at a bar in Cheongdam. His dark gray sweater is soft, nearly three sizes too big on him, but Hyukjae can still feel the warmth underneath.

Heechul hyung follows them with an amused expression, then turns to the wall with a soft laugh and raises his hands so he and Momo can copy the movement.

“Yah we are too old for this.”

“We really are”, Jongwoon hyung mumbles, oh so very warm and soft against his back. “Hyukjae-yah, my back hurts.”

He lets hyung get back up, too fast that they loose their balance a bit even sitting down. Hyungs hand comes around his arm to settle him down as they sit side by side again, knees touching.

In front of them Momo hits Heechul hyungs back to make him sit up before he squeezes her to death so close after eating dinner, they are still laughing but there is a glint in her eyes that suggests that she will try this again in the morning when she gets back to her practice room.

“That might work… with someone smaller.”

“Are you calling me fat?”

“No, I just don’t want you to break your back.”

“Ya!”

Hyukjae laughs and takes another sip of his beer, doesn’t say anything when Jongwoon hyungs hand moves down his arm to grab his own under the table.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m in no way suggesting Eunhyuk of all people made Cry For Me choreo perfect, but it’s probably my favorite Twice song and well… I think I’ve been too conscious of fandoms to write what I actually want to write (she says as she keeps another tab open for her ongoing Teukchul AU).


End file.
